My True Self

Who am I? I'm an a considerate person, an extremely sensible young woman who feels the need to be loved and to love. I am a bit temperamental at times, especially when I'm stressed out. What stresses me out? Too much work, too many responsibilities, bad decisions I've made in school. I get stressed when I think about the big question mark that now seems to be in my future. Why the uncertainty? Well, let's say that I had everything planned…I wanted to be a psychologists…did I? Did I ever want to be a psychologist or did that dream become ingrained in me because of external influences? I think that when I decided I wanted to major in psychology, I had a very different idea of what psychologists do.

I don't remember exactly when pursuing a Ph.D. in psychology became so important. I do remember, however, when it started to become less of an option for me. This past year I have become more acquainted with research and with what a doctoral degree is about in academia and I know for a fact that I don't want to get a Ph.D. in psychology; reading the literature on my thesis is tedious enough to know that I wouldn't be able to do that for five years. Again, at least not in the area of clinical psychology.

What triggered such a change in my career goals? A combination of things; among them are my PRIME experience, my intuition-something didn't seem quite right in pursuing a doctoral degree in psy, and my sociology class. Basic ideas of sociology: we talked a lot about self-fulfilling prophecies. Although I'm not so sure how that class influenced my decision, I have to say that I started to think that I have the potential to do more than just one thing-becoming a psychologist. At some point, I internalized or exteriorized the idea that the only thing I could be or reach was to be a psychologist. I am good at listening people therefore I was destined to be a psychologist-this is what I truly believed at some point. So going back to the class, it helped me to see that perhaps I was being an example of a self-fulfilling prophecy. I though I couldn't be anything else and I was going to do just that.

I still have to be aware of my strengths and weaknesses, but now I am fully convinced that I have the skills to embark on a different path and connect with myself, with my true self.

What I'm trying to do at this point in my life, when I'm about to turn 27, is to listen to what my soul tells me; to listen to those ideas and dreams that I stopped listening to these past few years. Poverty…poverty…can you help children who live in poverty in some way? This is what my soul asks. I'm trying to find the way to do that…I know I want to help fight poverty, I just don't know how.